Dec 5, 2014

Lol 19 at that time. I'm 30 now.

 

Dec 7, 2014

^ hopefully you'll never see 31

This one time I was talking to a female cousin of mine who was on my (guy) cousin's msn account so I didn't know it was her I thought he was just f---ing around.

Anyway she was asking stuff like so how are you how you been etc. Then she asked how's your dad, and me thinking it was my guy cousin I said "he's really tired" and she was like "from what" and I was like "from f---ing me in the a--- so much"

Now keep in mind in my culture this sort of filthy incest talk is very forbidden especially with females and female family members at that

Then she wrote "idiot" and that was that. Until my mum came running down the stairs asking me about it. She had phoned my mum from overseas and told her about it and pretty much the whole family. My heart sank. Then my guy cousin logged in and was like you f---ing idiot I just came home from work, do you realise what you've done now? I tried to play it off like I didn't care

My dad never heard about it

 

Dec 10, 2014

LOOOOL ^

f---ing hilarious

 

Dec 10, 2014

i was talkin bout Cruz irl. Ik he is good. I remember him on ktt

 

Dec 11, 2014

I may take the cake,
So I dated this chick Who was a few years older than me, well while having sex I would last about 10 minutes and she wanted me to be Superman, so basically she snuck a Viagra Into my soda. We had amazing sex but my hard on wouldn't go away, I had work In a hour and she wouldn't help me out in any way she just kept laughing. I had to go to work at subway with a huge boner, I used the tuck in belt strap technique which worked untill I droped a knife and had to pick it up. My boner fell out of it's hiding place, and this old lady screamed. I got fired and and brought to court for sexual harassment. I won the case and did not get charged after telling the judge what had happened. Funny but horrible

 

Dec 11, 2014

Never happened

 

Dec 11, 2014

Okay, I never s--- myself, but pretty much the same things happened to me before haha. Like 2 new years ago, I went back to my old town in NY to visit some old friends. Started pre gaming early, at different houses etc etc, and by the time we got to one of my closes friend's house I was pretty turnt. I said hi to her, and made a tour around the house catching up with all my other old friends. I grabbed a full handle of svedka or whatever and started chugging it with a group of them. Like a big a--- swig for each friend lol.

So within 15 minutes of getting her house, I was blackout. By 10:45, I was having my last lucid memory lol - me out back with some kids, trying to enunciate words enough to freestyle for them

Next thing I remember, Im rolling head first off of her front porch and sitting on my a--- on her grass. A few friends help me up and carry me over to the other side of the street, to the sidewalk, to wait for the parents of the kid I was stayin with (they're chill and were being our designated drivers that night).

Before they get there, my knees buckled and I managed to fall - dead weight - onto a skinny as friend of mine. Gave him a concussion lmfaoooooooo

Of course, when you're blackout, it doesn't end there. Went home in an awkward car ride smelling like puke, puked while sleeping on the dudes coach (but everyone was asleep and I puked strategically into my shirt on the floor next to me, so i just threw that out in the morning).

fun times
definitely needed some sunglasses and advil the next mornin

 

Dec 11, 2014

oh and in 2nd grade i ruined a surprise birthday party for our teacher. thought someone else had already told her about it, so RIGHT as we were all leaving class as a group to head to the party, I yell out "WE'RE GOING TO UR PARTY RIGHT!?! DERP DERP" or something along those lines, and the entire class shot me in the head simultaneously

the same year i farted during a class reading session of a Berenstain Bears book. I dropped mine on the floor, and as I went to go get it, I let out the fart heard round the world

 

Dec 11, 2014

I'm pretty sure I almost died of alcohol poisoning. Freshman year was a dangerous and exciting time. @Narsh

Not nearly as embarrassing, but here are some ups and downs from my time spent blacking out freshman year.

- Ruined my white Air Force Ones in the woods
- Made out and felt up two chicks at once
- Convinced the keg stand champion to drive us home
- Cheated on a college senior with her freshman sister (dat a---)
- Spit many half-a---, slurred freestyles
- Slept outside of my dorm when I lost my ID
- Slept in my hallway because I couldn't unlock my door
- Almost got hit by a car while still drunk the next morning

 

Dec 11, 2014

Reading this thread.

 

Dec 12, 2014

I have plenty of embarrassing moments but this was the worst...

Sophomore year in high school, it was pep rally day. Our class color this time was orange and one of my friends brought that s--- you can spray in your hair to change the color (until you take a shower). So right before first hour I sprayed that s--- in my hair to have it orange and i think i sprayed too much and did it too close to my hair because it came out super thick and it looked f---ing awful. It literally looked like i put my head in a huge bag of f---ing cheetos or something. I hated the way it looked so instead of going to class i snuck into the the Gym locker room and hid in the bathroom stall until everyone left for their gym class (i wasn't apart of that class). Once everyone was gone i locked the door from the inside, stripped down naked and took a f---ing shower in the locker room. I was paranoid the whole time that somehow i would get caught. So it took a good 20 minutes of showering to get ALL that s--- out of my hair since i didn't have any soap. As i was finishing up in the shower i heard the door open and i was like "f--- i thought i locked it". All of a sudden the f---ing gym teacher turns the corner cause he heard the shower turn off and he f---ing saw me butt naked. He f---ing yells out "what the h--- are you doing?!?!" And i covered up real quick and i was like "i'm sorry i had to shower real quick". I told him why i was there and all that and he just thought i was a f---ing idiot. He didn't write me up or anything cause he was a cool teacher but he also didn't give me a pass. So i got to my class about 35 minutes late or so and the teacher asked me why i was late and i just simply told her i missed the bus lol. I always thought if i was naked in front of a teacher it would have been with a female teacher

 

Dec 13, 2014

When I was 15 me and a buddy of mine did spy at the girls in our class in the shower after gymnastics. But we got caught and ended up having to apologize for it front of the entire class.

Was still worth it though

 

Dec 13, 2014

I salute those sharing on the internet.

 

Dec 13, 2014

Haha is this true lol

 

Jan 13, 2015

Title explains.

Mine is never learning how to skate (skateboard/rollerskate), I tried many times but could never get the hang of it.

 

Jan 13, 2015

How do you live with yourself?

 

Jan 13, 2015

idk

 

Jan 13, 2015

It took me like 10 times to pass the written part of the driving test.