May 14, 2015

when I was in preschool my best friend conned me into looking at "something cool" underneath the table we were sitting at



it was his d-ck

 

Dec 1, 2014

Was at my aunt's and she had a hot friend. Was texting my friend about it and he told me to take a picture of her. I forgot to turn the flash off...

 

Dec 1, 2014

I have a couple but here's one. I want to make a short film out of it one day.

My mom had just bought me the new pair of Nike Air Trainer Huarache so i was hyped a f--- to rock them to school the next day and see if i can get a girl to s--- my d-ck in the back stair cases of my school where it smelled like dirty p---- and piss. But anyway back to my story, Monday had arrived and im up early as f--- for the first time ever so i decide to eat breakfast which i never do before i go to school. I look at the cereals i have and i decide to choose Oreo O's b smfh which is basically the formula for diarrhea in a box sold for $3.99.

After i ate the cereal my friends came to my door and we walked to the bus stop. Throughout the walk i was fine talking about last night WWF main event reenacting Mankind and Mr. socko. During the bus ride to school my stomach was doing tony hawk 900's and Rob Drydek kick flips i already knew that s--- was about to go down, no pun intended. Finally we get to the stop of my School and i lied to my friends and said i left my project at the crib so i was gonna take the bus back, mid way me lying to them im laying machine gun farts b. My farts were sounding like the beginning of Ether minus the "f--- Jay-Z". This is where i f----- up, im the type of dude who stands by the "I will never s--- in a public restroom" rule i could just walked a few blocks down to a McDonalds and laid a s--- storm for the next n----- to walk in and smell but my dum a--- was like na i could hold this s---(no pun intended) and take the next bus back home. My school is on beach 100st and i needed to get off at beach 12th b, thats like 30 to 45 min bus ride. I'm on the bus back home and im dropping Hit-Boy farts my s----s are vibrating my seat like an 808 drum b. Next thing i know an old lady decides to sit next to me and im still dropping bombs b. My farts have slowly progressed through out the ride from solid farts to a liquid form b, I felt the s--- on my old navy boxers and the lady next to me had to smell it. She got up and immediately evacuated from my location and it seemed like everyone was just giving that who the f--- farted face. Finally we hit my stop and im still farting liquid into my boxers b i took one step out the bus and that s---(no pun intended) started going down my leg in my socks b. Im running home on some limp s--- like a zombie from the walking dead trying to keep the s--- in my a--- and limit the dripping but it didnt work b by the time i hit my crib my light colored levi denim jeans had dark brown stains showing on the outside and my brand new sneakers were no longer white they were f---ing muddy brown and green. I never got to wear them to school and i told my friends the sneakers were tight on me so i gave them to my cousin when they asked why i dont wear them no more.

til this day i dont eat breakfast and leave my house without forcing a s---.

 

May 14, 2015

The title says it all. I'll start it off
When I was small I used to think Birdman was actually Waynes daddy and when I saw a picture of them kissing made me v uncomfortable. I also used to think gay dudes used to have sword fights with their penises
I was a naive child

 

May 14, 2015

When I was 6 I'd yell out FORWARD FORWARD X and fly through the air like Liu Kang doing a flying kick. Only did that s--- at home but f--- ya lmao.

 

Jan 23, 2016

Here goes

around the time Eminem was huge in the early 2000's. D12, had a song that said "b----, are you r-----ed"? 7 year old me thought r-----ed meant cool. So time went on and my daycare took a field trip to a museum. I thought we looked so cool walking into the museum in a large group like we owned the place and s---. So I yelled at the top of my lungs, "WE ARE r-----ed"! you ever get everyone's attention at once? Yea not a good feeling

 

May 14, 2015

I used to jack o-- to music videos in the bathroom on my iPod video because I didn't have my own computer yet and was scared of looking for p--- on the family one.

 

Jan 23, 2016

I think @Swizz neg repped me in 2007.

 

May 14, 2015

Since I totally just called out my cuz @Sheriff Skippy like that I guess I'll share....

Idk if y'all ever seen the Little Vampire. Its a cheesy Halloween movie. Well the little kid uses ketchup as fake blood and so I though that ketchup was blood so I never ate it. so to this day I still have never tried ketchup. (I know its not blood at this point, but it just smells gross )

 

Dec 7, 2014

^ hopefully you'll never see 31

This one time I was talking to a female cousin of mine who was on my (guy) cousin's msn account so I didn't know it was her I thought he was just f---ing around.

Anyway she was asking stuff like so how are you how you been etc. Then she asked how's your dad, and me thinking it was my guy cousin I said "he's really tired" and she was like "from what" and I was like "from f---ing me in the a--- so much"

Now keep in mind in my culture this sort of filthy incest talk is very forbidden especially with females and female family members at that

Then she wrote "idiot" and that was that. Until my mum came running down the stairs asking me about it. She had phoned my mum from overseas and told her about it and pretty much the whole family. My heart sank. Then my guy cousin logged in and was like you f---ing idiot I just came home from work, do you realise what you've done now? I tried to play it off like I didn't care

My dad never heard about it

 

Aug 25, 2016

2016 update

Ate a girl a--- and caught a parasite

 

Jan 24, 2016

My first time smoking weed. I was 15 and had a part time job at a restaurant. After work a friend of mine/collegue offered me a ride home. He was a few years older and smoked a lot. I asked him if he could sell me some weed and said yea. He then offered me to smoke one now which i accepted. So he rolls the joint and we smoke it in his car.

At first i wasn't high at all and thought it did nothing to me. Boy was i wrong. About 5 minutes later while he was driving it hit me. That's when i told myself, I am so f-----. We stopped at the bank so i could withdraw 20$ which i owed him for the weed. I was so f---in high i didn't even want to get out the car but i did.

I went inside the bank and I go to one of the atm machines and i'm so high i'm struggling to fit my card in the slot. I kept dropping it on the floor. The janitor was looking at me like i'm crazy. When i finally got my card in the slot, the simple task of withdrawing money was now so f---in complicated i gave up. My mind was out of control. I took my card back and went back to the car and told my friend the atm machines were broken.



My mind was racing and i was just hoping he wouldn't start up a conversation because i could barely even speak. Anyway, we're now heading to my house where he's dropping me off and i start to feel like i'm going to throw up. And just seconds later I throw up all over myself. There was vomit everywhere. On my jeans, on the dash, on the floor...



In panic, he turns into a parking lot and i just get out of the car and lay in a snow bank. He looks at the inside of his car horrified



Then he comes to me asking me if i'm okay. I just layed in the snow telling him i'm alright and that i just need to lay here until i feel better. I told him that i'd walk the rest of the way home and that he can leave.

After laying in the snow in the parking lot of a convenience store for 15 minutes, i started walking towards home with my jeans full of vomit just mumbling s--- to myself.

 

May 14, 2015

I used to print out pictures of p--- and take them to school and sell them $1 apiece for break money. Cringeworthy in retrospect but I made a little change off of it.

 

May 14, 2015

Yoooooooooooooooo

 

Jan 23, 2016

Rg's community is like 4 chan but our mods tryna make it like ktt, they should just accept that its shitposting central and let them have their fun

 

Jan 23, 2016

most emberassing moment of my life was actually using rap genius.com and liking it

 

Jan 23, 2016

so in 2005, 50 cent was HOT udigg?? he was fk--- HUGE. Candy Shop was everywhere, even here in the cold North where I live people were bumping it with our s--- phones.

so one of these days i was banging out candy shop out my phone w around 5 of my friends, when suddenly my mom hears the song and realizes its coming from my phone (i was the only 1 who had theirs out)

she grounded me for a f---ing month bruh AND made me remove all the songs i had gotten through hard work into my phone, and last but not least completely fk--- wrecked any street cred i had at the time. facing my mates the next day never been that hard before or after

 

Jan 23, 2016

Thats kinda my problem too

 

Jan 23, 2016

5 super hot girls around me in the pool
got a boner and couldnt leave the pool for almost 1 hour.

it was just there i couldnt do anything.

 

Jan 23, 2016

Another time

Was in a school assembly forgot what he speaker was doing but me and a friend were talking to each other

All of a sudden dude stops his presentation and asks my teacher to move is to the front

We were sitting in the back so I had to stand up in front of most of the school and walk gym in complete silence to the front of the bleachers with a stupid nervous smile on my face

I sat down and he continued like nothing happens
They called my mom even like wtf