Feb 13, 2026 at 3:11 PM FWB sounds like a healthy down-titration, but in reality it's a slippery upward slope. plus, imagine if/when you start dating or f---ing someone else and she's still in the mix.
Feb 13, 2026 at 3:35 PM I've only ever seen FWB work personally when it was just an actual friends-only friend who got access to the benefits... the downgrade, a reversal to "friends" with sexy time from full couple status never really took for me
Feb 13, 2026 at 4:48 PM This only works if you don't love her and just want her for the sex. Seems to me you actually miss her. What if in the process you find out she met someone else or breaks ur heart again? Not sure if that's worth it bro
Feb 13, 2026 at 6:05 PM Think about it this way: you might have more women coming your way that wanted to date you but saw you were taken. Whenever I go through breakups I notice I start to get DMs from women who want to “comfort” me.
Feb 13, 2026 at 7:29 PM I guess it’s better than those women who try to get with me during the relationship. I ain’t no cheater!
Feb 14, 2026 at 2:52 AM Well, update. We met for what I thought would be just sex but ended up being 5 hour talk...and sex. Sort of a closure. I did not get the urge to get back togethet, even though she seems to have taken the best out of this situation and decided to clean her life up. She seemed healthy and stable. But something in me is gone and now I know.
Feb 14, 2026 at 8:15 AM That's really a great outcome for a tough situation, @Spatula. I'm glad you were able to get that sense of closure and actually discuss stuff... sounded like it would have been horrible to try to move on from with things as they were. You sound solid and decisive today. Good on you.
Feb 14, 2026 at 8:56 AM Thank you. You are right, it would have been horrible to have the last image of her be what it was that day. I am incredibly sad we have to part ways. She said she thought I am the one and was convinced we were going to work.
Feb 14, 2026 at 10:46 AM That’s kind of heartbreaking, but you never do know what might happen down the line. As an addict myself with a bit of sobriety under my belt again, I have to tell you… if you do reconcile, do it with eyes open. Backsliding and relapses happen to addicts because it’s part of addiction, not because we don’t want to keep our lives stable, or because we don’t love those in our lives. The struggle doesn’t disappear because a person might accumulate years of sobriety, or grow up. You don’t grow out of addiction and you don’t get cured. It’s a biologically permanent trait after a certain point, kind of like having an awful knee injury — you’re just never the same again. You’re weak at the site of the injury, and you'll always have to be careful. It’s a vulnerability that’s always going to be there. If she’s really got a problem and fights to stay sober, then it’s probably entrenched, a part of her. Anyone who gets involved with any addict needs to be sure they’re willing to deal with the using if it resurfaces again. Yes, it’s our own fault to begin with, developing an addiction, but it’s like driving too fast. The results are your own fault, and then it’s another animal altogether once the damage is done. You change for the worst. It’s re-wired you. For me, I needed rehab twice. First I at age 18 I was legally obligated to because of my first felony. I relapsed the day after I got out. Got sober again a year later because I almost lost a relationship I was in that I really wanted. I managed to stay sober for 14 years. We got married. I promptly relapsed, and that relapse lasted 8 years even though I fought it like h---. Almost gave up because it seemed beyond my ability to kick. It was much, much harder to get clean this last time. I must have relapsed dozens of times in that 8 year period. I put my husband through h---. He’s still here and I could never have stayed sober without his support. I should point out that when I got sober the first time, he gave up drinking too, so there was never booze around when I was with him (the only substance he was ever interested in). We don’t have it in our house at all, ever, now. Today he’s been sober way longer than I have, but he never had a problem. He said nothing good had ever come of drinking that he could see, so he just gave it up. And to be relevant to the forum here, Relapse came out and was a lifeline to me; I took a lot of strength from it. Recovery followed, and I returned to rehab for Round 2. Anyway. Just notes from those trenches. When I was using, I cared about very little besides getting f----- up. I lied and hid it and snuck around and wasted a s--- ton of money. I’m lucky to be alive. It’s hard to be around that, and it frequently gets a lot worse than I ever had it. I suppose there’s never a guarantee that someone you might marry who has no problem when you get together won’t develop one later, but if the problem is already there, that’s a undeniable and visible risk, especially if you think you’ll want kids. I hope everything works out for you. You sound wise.
Feb 14, 2026 at 11:01 AM Thank you for this @1929357390 Its hard for me, and her, to consider her an alcoholic. It seems so odd. I keep saying "she just drinks fast and doesnt know her limit" because its not that she has to drink every day. But I guess that too falls under alcoholism. I am curious, what inspiration did you find in Relapse? There is very few honest addiction related moments there, despite the name.
